Reviewed by: BigAl
Genre: Legal Thriller
Approximate word count: 55-60,000 words
Availability
Click
on a YES above to go to appropriate page in Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or
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Author:
A graduate
of Xavier University with a degree in English, Maria Miller enjoys reading,
writing, and being with her family.
Description:
“Emma is
Luke's whole life. When she learns she has cancer, she accepts the traditional
treatment. Luke watches miserably as his wife deteriorates slowly. Then he
finds doctor who offers a different, unconventional treatment that has been
proven to work. But Luke finds it is not so easy to remove his wife from her
doctor's care. When he tries to take her out of the hospital, he is stopped by
security and then served a restraining order. Now Luke must fight a legal
battle for his right to save Emma.”
Appraisal:
Luke and
Emma’s story starts during the last months of high school. Both are outcasts.
Luke is the smart kid lacking in social skills. It was never stated, but if he
were real and visited a psychologist I wouldn’t be surprised if he was
diagnosed with autism, Aspergers syndrome, or something else on the autism
spectrum. Both have complicated and troubled home lives although for much
different reasons. They become a couple, Luke gets a job he’s well suited for
which evolves into his own business, and they marry. Life is good for the
couple until Emma is diagnosed with cancer, setting Luke on a search for an
alternative cure and a bad situation turns worse.
This seems
like a story that could work. It doesn’t. Part of the reason is technique, with
a tendency to telling rather than showing, sometimes both, as in this example:
Maureen rested her elbows on her
desk and put her face in her hands. She felt physically and emotionally
drained.
Doesn’t the
second sentence tell us what the first has hopefully already shown us?
There is
also a problem with repetitiveness in two ways. First, repeating things the
reader already knows from earlier in the story, for example in the middle of
the book having Luke “remember” his and Emma’s honeymoon and the reason they
took it six months after their marriage, giving us details we already knew and
didn’t need. Second, using the same word over and over in a short time, for
example during a short encounter with his English teacher the words “his
teacher” or a slight variation is used eleven times in just six paragraphs,
even twice in a single sentence, never using the teacher’s name or any
alternative form of reference. This kind of repetitiveness is the equivalent of
a monotone voice, quick to put the reader to sleep. Here’s another example of
this problem:
He grabbed his keys and walked out
the door. He got in his car and drove to a motel. He could not bear to sleep
alone in that house tonight.
Three
sentences, each starting with the pronoun he. Mix it up. Use Luke. Put he in
the middle or at the end of a sentence. Even better, do we need to know this
much detail? Wouldn’t something like “not able to bear sleeping alone, Luke
left and checked into a motel” accomplish the same thing?
Even more
than the issues of technique, I often found the story contradicting itself or the
actions of the characters unbelievable. A few quick examples. Luke inherited
some money from an uncle which was “sitting comfortably in an account” by the
end of June, but a few pages after that he’s receiving the check “at the end of
July.” Later in the story Luke writes a computer program for his business after
taking a “quick, do-it-yourself course” and is able to do it in less time than
someone with years of experience would need to accomplish the same thing.
One of the
more unbelievable actions happened when Emma was in the hospital and not doing
well. After staying with her and letting his business slide Luke had to leave
Emma to go into work to deal with tasks that couldn’t be put off any longer. No
problem. He has a business with his employees depending on it continuing for
their livelihood, not to mention Luke and Emma needing the same. However, being
back to the hospital “as soon as I can” stretched into two days. Really? The
love of your life is fighting for her life and you go into the office for two
days without visiting or even calling her. Then when you finally do show up
she’s happy to see you and not upset. I have a hard time believing this. I
can’t rule it out due to some of their characteristics and history, partially
discussed in the first paragraph, but if so the author needed to do a better
job of establishing this. Even then, I’d have a hard time relating to them. As
it was, I found my suspension of disbelief constantly challenged by things like
this. Even though it’s fiction, it still has to be believable.
Format/Typo Issues:
A small
number of typos and other proofreading or copyediting misses.
Rating: ** Two Stars
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