Reviewed by: Keith Nixon
Approximate word count: 25-30,000 words
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Unfortunately I couldn’t source any information on the author.
It’s 1941 and the second world war is underway. Enter James Byrne, America’s greatest hero, known best to the world at large as Jimmy FireNipples, who fights the Nazi’s with fire that erupts from his breasts…
Erm, I’m still not sure what to make of this story, it’s an odd one. James, later Jimmy, discovers his powers in his teens. One day at school his previously normal nipples begin to erupt with fire. It subsequently transpires that there are good and bad FireNipples – with blue and green flames – that work on the side of good and evil (although Jimmy is a red). Many others in history have been FireNipples, using their powers accordingly (e.g. in the US Civil War the opposing leaders both had powers).
As Jimmy is discovering his powers the Nazi’s are in the process of wiping out the two FireNipples that would oppose them, although they are not aware of Jimmy’s existence.
One day Jimmy is recruited to join a small team with super powers being built by Frank Buell called the Tactical Insurgency Team Squad (TITS). The trouble is none of the others in the squad really have super powers.
After training Jimmy is called up to the front line and fights off the Japanese at Pearl Harbour, by now he’s learnt he can fly and shoots down the enemy with bursts of fire from you know where (I’m a bit tired of writing nipples now).
And so the story progresses, Jimmy gets stronger reaching higher FireNipples (look, I’ve said it again) levels of power (imaginatively called 1, 2, 3 and 4) and concluding in a battle with Hitler himself.
All in all it’s potentially a bit of a silly read. It all depends how much you can swallow the humour and suspend belief. Calling it an alternate world is a bit strong (think the recent films like Captain America and Avengers). As well as the very regular breast related descriptions and jokes there are quotes at the beginning of each chapter ascribed to famous people in history, like Abraham Lincoln and Dante.
The descriptions and dialogue are okay, but weak, although I do believe Pallace has the ability to write. The jokes aren’t terrible, but I can’t say I laughed out loud at all, more a low level of amusement throughout. But eventually I found it a bit wearing - the tongue a bit too much in cheek and the cheesiness a bit too ripe. Maybe you won’t…
There were a number of spelling and punctuation errors in the text. For example incase was regularly used, comma’s were dropped or full stops used at the end of speech lines.
Multiple breast and nipple references (an understatement if ever I saw one).
Many punctuation errors, some spelling mistakes.
Rating: ** 2 Stars