Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Guest Post from Angela V. Cook, author of Into a Million Pieces

The Top Ten Things to Do When You Get a Bad Review

We’ve all heard horror stories of reviewers being attacked/stalked/bullied online after giving a less-than-stellar review to an author, and I find it absolutely ridiculous. Bad reviews happen to everyone; they’re par for the course. The only way to guarantee never getting a bad review, is to never publish anything. No one likes getting them, and yes they do sting, but there are other ways to handle a bad review besides acting out in anger. Below are some suggestions.

10) Pay a visit to your dear friend Hershey. Chocolate makes everything better.

9)   Look up a popular book on Goodreads that sold millions, and check out all the bad reviews it got. Yes, even Stephen King gets bad reviews (I wonder if he eats chocolate when he does?).

8)  Downton Abbey marathon. Nuff said.

7)  Eat a bowl of ice cream, followed by a bag of Doritos (because you need something salty), and then raid the fridge for that almost-empty bag of chocolate chips (because you need something sweet). Once you’ve downed said chocolate chips—chased with flat Coke from a week-old two liter—complain about having eaten too much, and then pass out on the couch for the night.

6)  Call up your mom “just to chat,” but then start to sob uncontrollably when she asks you, “How’s the book stuff goin’?”

5)  Contact all your friends and family who said they enjoyed your book, and interrogate them to find out if they were lying. Only be satisfied upon the sixth time of them saying, “Yes, I really, really liked it!”

4)  Ugly cry on the phone while trying to—incoherently—explain to one of your writing pals why you’re not fit to write infomercials, let alone novels.

3)  Snuggle with your dog and whisper in her ear, “You understand, don’t ya girl?” Then watch as she proceeds to lick her butt.

2)  Play Candy Land with a child, and within five minutes, I guarantee you’ll forget all about the bad review. Sure, you might want to drink a gallon of antifreeze to put an end to your misery, but at least you won’t be thinking about the review.

1)  Hershey misses you. Pay him another visit.

Get your copy of Angela's novel, Into a Million Pieces, from Amazon US (paper or ebook), Amazon UK (paper or ebook), or Barnes & Noble.

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Malcolm Campbell said...

I guess stocking up on water balloons to drop on the reviewer didn't make the top ten.

Angela V. Cook said...

Thanks so much for hosting me on your blog! :)

BooksAndPals said...

Thanks for doing it, Angela.

Malcolm, it would make my top ten to have done to me assuming it is the middle of summer. :)