Reviewed
by: Sam Waite
Genre:
Suspense
Approximate
word count: 75-80,000
words
Availability
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on a YES above to go to appropriate page in Amazon, Barnes &
Noble, or Smashwords store
Author:
“After
an award-winning detour through journalism and marketing and a
graduate degree from Dallas Theological Seminary, NLB Horton returned
to writing fiction. She has surveyed Israeli and Jordanian
archaeological digs accompanied (twice!) by heavy artillery rounds
from Syria and machine gun fire from Lebanon. Calmly tossed a
tarantula from her skiff into the Amazon after training with an Incan
shaman. Driven uneventfully through Rome. And consumed gallons of
afternoon tea across five continents. Life is good.:
Description:
A plot
to steal water in the Middle East draws the attention of an
attractive hydrologist, her family and assorted clandestine agencies.
Appraisal:
Despite
the author’s impressive resume, When
Camel’s Fly, fails on
every level except an intriguing premise: Water theft in the Middle
East. Unfortunately, the story delivers no rational scenario to carry
the premise forward as the story line devolves into nonsense.
A
vaguely defined group has begun transferring water from an aquifer
beneath Israel and Jordan to an ill defined underground reservoir
with no monitors in either Israel or Jordan noticing the loss. The
group is trying to kill a hydrologist, Maggie, who, initially, seems
to be the only person aware of the theft. As the story progresses, it
turns out Mossad, the CIA, MI6, China, Russia, Turkey and Saudi
Arabia are aware of the problem:
“Our
government is tracking us, Dmitri. Apparently, we’re viral. China,
Russia, Turkey, and Israel are in. Saudi Arabia and Jordan are
hemming and hawing.”
Why
Maggie can’t solve things simply by notifying Israeli authorities
isn’t clear. She is saved from one assassination attempt by her
mother, a crack shot apparently owing to her work as a “UNESCO
spy.” Action escalates to a climatic assault on a heavily defended
water transfer facility. Defenses include three “battle-equipped
helicopters” hovering over the facility. Why they are airborne,
needlessly burning fuel is not explained. A small group armed with
pistols, crossbows, submachine guns and shoulder-held rocket
launchers attack the facility. Maggie is shot in the chest during the
assault, but fortunately is rescued by Israeli forces shortly after.
Why didn’t the group wait for the Israeli army to secure the area
and then do its business? The process of transferring water is slow. There is no apparent urgency.
Rather
than the Israeli army, the assault is aided by “thousands” of
camels, donkeys, sheep and llamas. There is no explanation of how
llamas got into the mix.
Weapons
wielded by the group needlessly include hand-held rail guns,
heat-seeking bullets, and arrows with homing devices, all of which
remain in the realm of science fiction.
There
is an inexplicable reference to an Israeli-Jordanian treaty:
“I
need Annex Two of the Israel/ Jordan Peace Treaty.” She searched,
and read aloud. “‘ Systems on Israeli territory that supply
Jordan with water … Israel’s responsibility. New systems that
serve only Jordan … Jordan’s expense … to companies selected by
Jordan.’” She saw we listened. “‘ Israel will guarantee easy
unhindered access of personnel and equipment to such new systems for
operation and maintenance.’”
“Carte
blanche,” I said. “Disguised as maintenance.”
The
implication that the treaty leaves Israel vulnerable is
intellectually dishonest. Article Four of the annex contains
precisely reciprocal language for the Jordanian side. Anyone
interested can easily find the document on the Internet.
Silly
plots are not a death knell even for some best sellers, but the
writing is equally flawed.
Words
are tossed out with no regard for their meaning:
“…we
barreled slowly”
“To
barrel” means to move fast.
“Maggie
hoisted to the shelf…”
The
author means Maggie pulled herself to the shelf. Hoisting requires a
block and tackle. Those are two examples from a single page in
chapter one. The novel is rife with similar errors.
Convoluted
sentences waste a reader’s time:
“His
iconic pose, enabled by flexibility earning the nickname Grasshopper,
was authentic: knees to shoulders, and heels flat on the ground.”
In two
words: He squatted. This is followed by a paragraph saying the
individual trained to properly assume the “origami-inspired pose.”
Primates, including humans, can squat naturally.
Many
sentences are befuddling:
“He
shook himself like a wet dog, realizing too late that splattering her
with icy raindrops would not rekindle their romance.”
Others
are incomprehensible:
“Shaking
my head to clear it, I dislodged the grill through which I looked.”
“My
voice bobbled with each trotting step, gargling every word.”
There
are numerous gaps in logic:
Maggie’s
mother Grace sprained her ankle and goes from being on crutches to no
crutches to running her hand along a tunnel wall as she walks again
with crutches to sprinting. Then, from a stationary position, she
shoots out both rear tires of a fleeing car. The author has
familiarity with small arms and must know the only way that would be
possible is for the car to pass once exposing one side then drive
back around to expose the other.
Maggie
insists she alone can reprogram the water transfer equipment to
reverse the flow.
“Can
you tell me how to do it?” Cliff was persistent…
“…No
one can teach you undergraduate-, graduate- and post-graduate-level
hydromechanics in five minutes.” Maggie turned away. “I have to
go.”
Then
after she was shot:
“Jeff
had the presence of mind to say that the three of them finished the
work she started. ‘She told us what to do right after she was hit.
It was as simple as facility one.’”
Format/Typo
Issues:
There
are many careless errors:
“Based
on this conversations, this wasn’t the time to catch a cold, so he
draped his jacket over his friend’s shoulders, tenting him in it.”
“Cleansing
groundwater of salt was an almost impossible.”
Rating:
** 2 Stars
